Thursday, September 11, 2008

Flat TIRE-D!

This is my day...

I wake up to my sweet son peeing in his bed....AGAIN!  Then, I rush off to get him cleaned up, put the new sheets on the bed (again!), argue with my precious daughter over crocs vs. tennis shoes, drop both children off at school, and have a mom friend say to me... “You look TIRED today?!?!”

WTHeck???  It definitely sounded more like a statement than a question.    How does one answer this “question-statement”....???  “Thanks???” 

Just wait, it gets better...

I manage to have 45 (glorious) minutes of uninterrupted quiet time at Border’s when God meets me in my “mood” and all kinds of emotions (feelings) begin to rise up out of me.  I quickly slip out of the bookstore before someone notices me, glasses on and snot running out of my nose.  Yeah, I’m looking HOT!

I meet my friend Eve to help with some YL admin stuff where I curse at the PC, the printer and the Excel spreadsheet for a little over 3 hours.  (My dad’s love language is “spreadsheet” by the way... sadly, I did not inherit his gift).  My dear husband came to the rescue though and we finished right before picking Mac up from preschool.  And, speaking of preschool...

Mac is only on his 3rd day of school when I receive a call from his teacher this afternoon... (while in mid cuss word with the PC)... she tells me that “Mac was playing outside during recess and was stung by a bee”.  “Is he crying?” I ask.  “No, not now”, says Ms. Amy.  “Ok, I’ll see you at 2:00”, I say.  Ohhh, the mommy guilt begins to set in... really, what kind of mom would not rush to their child’s aid?  Me.  Ughhhh.  

So, we are on our way to pick Mac up from school when D’s head starts bleeding...literally people... blood is running down his face.  I go in alone to get Mac (not wanting to scare any of the tots with my bloody husband)....and, my sweet boy is sound asleep on his nap mat.  I throw him over my shoulder and head back to the Mini to check on D.  The blood has stopped (for the time being) and I buckle my bee-stung son into his car seat.  We head off to a very late lunch...finally!  Food.  In.  My.  Belly.  

Mac wakes up to inform me that “the fly got him”.  “You mean bee”, I say.  “No, a fly”, he insists... so, a fly it is then!  :)

After “dunch” or “linner” (not lunch and not dinner), we leave to pick up Emma from school.  D and I are chatting it up in the car (beautiful day, windows rolled down) when we hear this crazy, screeching noise.  “What is that?!?!” we both say simultaneously.  Darrell proceeds to say “what is that??”  like a hundred more times when we realize that our “beloved” mini van has a flat tire!!!  So, we are on our way down Hwy 96, riding on the rim of our car.  NICE!!!  

I dial Emma’s school to tell her to ride the bus home when an old man pulls up next to us, hanging out of his car window, screaming at the top of his lungs.  Yeah, like we don’t have a CLUE that our tire is completely FLAT!!! 

I start cracking up... the ABSURDITY of my day has finally hit me!!!  Plus, I’m SO embarrassed.... I sink down in the front seat (laughing hysterically) hoping no one will recognize us. 

We finally get home and D begins to inflate the flat tire (with a bicycle pump no doubt) so he can drive it to the mechanic.  I go out to tell him bye and notice that blood is dripping again from his head to his eyebrow (for you SNL fans...cue the “Head Wound Hairy” skit).  He wipes up the blood as he pulls back out of the driveway...meanwhile, I go back into the house to find out Mac has pooped in his pants.    Can I be even more graphic for you... he has pooped a TON!!!  In his pants, down his legs, on his shorts and on his socks!  The boy knows how to poop... 

By this point, I am TOTALLY DONE... I’m officially a “Hot Mess” as we say in our family...

What else you say?!?!  Well, we left the house very late for Emma’s skating lessons... I drove like a mad woman while D was lacing up her skates in the back seat...I was honked at (again!) from yet another disgruntled driver... did not get back home until 7:30 (which on a “typical” night IS bedtime)... fed the kids toast with honey for dinner (hey, it’s what they wanted and honestly I just didn’t care)... went over spelling words for tomorrow’s test... abandoned the baths... and tucked both children into bed at 9:00.  Hmmm, what would Super Nanny say?!?!

Guess what???  Now, my darling husband and I have TAXES to work on... yes, they are due TOMORROW!!!

And, answer the “question-statement”... I am one “TIRE-D” woman!


p.s.  In case you are worried about D... he is ok.  His head is still bleeding (I can’t make this stuff up!) but I won’t steal his thunder... I’ll save it for another blog.